by Brittany High
A leisurely moment relaxing on a park bench after a day of window shopping (or in my case, bar hopping) has now turned into HOLY SHIT you’re about to get chomped on by a damn shark! That’s right, even on park benches you’re no longer safe from a shark attack. Which totally justifies why I stay indoors except when I hear an ice cream truck. But seriously, sharks in the city? I have to assume the concept was taken from that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles knock off Street Sharks from the 90s. Um, two things on why that franchise didn’t go as far as the big boss execs probably imagined: 1, no April O’Neil. 2, No mother f***ing pizza. Yeah, that’s right — you lost me at NO PIZZA, guys! I bet they ate, like, calamari or whatever.