When Nature Calls: Off-Road Commode

Ever been out in the wilderness when you really gotta go, but you don’t wanna pop a squat in the forest like a real man? This is the Off-Road Commode, a throne for the wussiest of Outdoorsy Kings, built with a soft padded camo seat. That’s nice and all, but using a toilet seat attached to your pick-up sure as hell ain’t gonna keep the bears from peepin’. Trust me, they’re perverts! The product site warns the seat’s not for vehicles in motion, but you know what I say? Live a little! I’m gonna be urinating at 60 MPH and if I die doing it I’ll die happy. Oh wait, what’s this — the camo-commode only supports up to 500 lbs? Nooooooo! I’m just barely over the weight limit. I guess that means I’m stuck going behind a tree and inevitably wiping my ass with poison ivy. Happens every time! $40