This is a $120 14-karat gold-plated Slinky. I hear it only works when it’s going down like the fancy marble steps of a mansion. But that’s neither here nor there. The real question is, why the hell does this exist? I don’t know, you tell me. Please? Someone? Anyone? Explain this to me! And don’t say it’s just because some people are so damn rich, they don’t know WTF to do with their money except buy dumb things like a GOLD PLATED SLINKY FOR GOD’S SAKES, because I — actually, uh, you know what? You’re probably 100% right. But that doesn’t make any of this okay!