This is a ‘smart’ fork that measures how fast you eat in one minute intervals and during the entire meal. It’s meant to help with weight loss through portion control. If you eat too much, too fast, the fork will vibrate. Which is a super nice way of saying “Stop shoveling food into your face for one second, god!” The fork plugs into a USB drive where you can track your overeating habits on an app. Wheeee! The diet device was created by French engineer Jacques Lépine who’s dubbed it the HAPIfork. Umm, HAPIfork? Sounds like SADfork to me! Or JUDGYfork. Or — OR — NEVERMINDI’LLJUSTEATWITHMYHANDSfork. Actually that last one just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Damn I’m good.