These are chainmail bikini tops custom made by Etsy seller UtopiaArmoury. Damn yeah, armor bikini tops! Gotta protect your most prized assets. But the real issue here is the other kind of chainmail — chainletters. I didn’t pass that last one along and, according to the lengthy warning littered with wingdings and bIg LetTeRs aNd LitTlE leTtErS, I’m gonna die in exactly 5 days. You think one of these bikini tops will protect me? I’m scared!