Lose Weight Fast With This Bag!

Here in America, we’re always searching for new weight loss methods that don’t require giving up doughnuts or taking up exercise. This bag is one of just another one of them. The sturdy canvas Contour Bag conceals the fact that you’re sporting a food baby and some junk in the ol’ trunk, with the outline of a pleasantly proportioned girl printed on it. It’s available in black, white, blue, pink, and green, so you can pick a color that matches your best pair of pajama jeans. Additional features include an inner zipper pocket for keys and accessories (read: emergency Pop Tart stash). $45