Daddy Long Legs Found With 13-inch Legspan

This is a newly discovered harvestman (a daddy looooong legs) with a 13-inch legspan. The ooky arachnid was discovered in Laos by Dr. Peter Jäger of the Senckenberg Research Institute in Frankfurt. It has yet to be named, which I believe is for the best. If we name it, it’s gonna be like A LOT harder for all of us after we kill it. Instead of hearing people say “Thank goodness somebody took care of that freaky deaky spider with the crazy legs!” it’d be more like “Omg, did you hear that somebody set Todd on fire and now he’s DEAD?!” and I’ll be standing there saying “Whoa whoa whoa, it wasn’t just any old somebody who killed that thing. It was me and I have a name, you know.” See what I’m saying? I’m saying give credit where it’s due, geeze! Now where’s my gas can and matches? I’ve got some totally unrelated business to attend to…

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