Big Bug Is Big: World’s Heaviest Insect

In “Aw hell naw!” news, the world’s heaviest insect has been found in New Zealand. Ha, sounds to me like other countries got problems with the weight epidemic, too! But don’t make fun, because this is a female-bug and the last thing we need is you giving a her a complex about her size. Former park ranger, Mark Moffett, spotted and tracked down the cricket-esque giant weta. Then, naturally, he gave her a carrot. God knows when I find a giant-ass mutant bug, the first thing I do is give it a snack to nosh on and then run away, screaming “KILL IT WITH FIRE!”