You Scratch My Back, I’ll Scra– AAAAAAH! The Zombie Arm Back Scratcher

My man-piece is a real Dream Come True (DCT). He likes to go shoe shopping and has watched every episode in the entire Real Housewives franchise. He even calls himself one of the girls, it’s so cute! My only complaint is whenever it’s his turn to scratch my back, he pretends to be asleep. Fortunately, there’s the handcrafted Zombie Back Scratcher. Yeah, that should do the trick. Just think: I’ll be laying in bed, using a zombie arm to scratch my own back while my boyfriend is fake-snoring loudly just to avoid having to touch me. Love is all around, people, you just got to look for it! $25