by Brittany High
BRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS. I mean, uh, COOKIIIIIEEEES. Man, with this Zombie Cookie Jar, I’m all confused about what I really want to eat. Just kidding, the truth is, I’m hungry and I am NOT picky. You gimme some cookies and call them brains, I’ll eat the shit out of every last one. You gimme brains and call them cookies, I’ll suck those lobes down while I stare you dead in the eye. Once I ate a lint covered Tic-Tac off the floor of the laundromat and didn’t think twice about it even when the mom with 20 kids gave me a look like I’m some kinda bad role model. You just folded a T-shirt inside out, lady. Mind your damn business!