by Brittany High
Breaking up sucks no matter what. Though I imagine it’s less painful the more attractive you are. Then again, that could just be the ugly part (read: all) of me talking. Here we have the Breakup Recovery Kit, perfect for when the idiot-asshole you’ve been dating says HE doesn’t want to be with YOU anymore. LOLWUT?! You’re gonna regret this decision for the rest of your life. The kit includes affirmation cards, bandages, heart charm, remedy booklet and recovery certificate. Plus a bracelet that reads “Heartbroken” so everyone can see that you are lonely and desperate. Quick question, where are all the gallons of ice cream? If breaking up doesn’t entitle a person to eat her weight in sweets then why even bother getting dumped in the first place? At any rate, just remember: it’s better than to have loved and lost than to
die a virgin have never loved at all. Or whatever whatever.