by Brittany High
This is a Party Python. It’s a 26 pound giant gummi snake by Vat19. Choose from Red Cherry & Blue Raspberry or Blue Raspberry & Green Apple. Why does everything have to be blue raspberry? I don’t know, maybe because it’s F***ING DELICIOUS. You can have a Party Python for just $150, but it’ll cost you 36,720 in calories. That’s over 12 pounds of sugar. Which is almost enough to give you diabetes pretty much immediately. And then shortly after ingesting the thing you die from the worst sugar crash EVAR. You don’t want that, do you? No, I didn’t think so. Which is exactly why we’re going 50/50 on eating this. And by 50/50 I mean 70/30. What? I’m trying to protect you!