by Brittany High
This is not a real snake. It’s a snake cake. North Star Cakes made this thing to resemble a Burmese python. While I appreciate the effort, I gotta ask — Why’d it have to be snakes? I live for cake, just like every other fat kid who’s got a lot of love to give but nowhere to put it, but I’m not thrilled about this to say the least. Neither is Indiana. Sure, he’s in the middle of dealing with bigger, better, and more adventurous things, but I’m speaking for the both of us when I say “NOT cool.” Sure, it’s not gonna stop me from eating the shit outta this bad boy, but I’m not gonna be happy about it. Oh no, I’m gonna get a tummy ache and cry in my bed while watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. What?! It makes me feel less-bad about myself!